Kind of What You Wanted
by Eagle32nd
Summary: A companion piece to "Exactly What I Needed". In fact, it's the exact same story - just told from Chris' perspective. This piece can be read on its own, but might have more depth if read in conjunction with Rita's side. I think it's interesting to place them side-by-side on the screen and read them together. A big thank-you to resauthor for the challenge.


Chris scooped a small chunk of seasoned ground beef from the bowl and rolled it into a one-inch ball before setting it on the parchment with the others. Making meatballs was, without question, the most tedious part of any dinner involving meatballs, but there was no compromise allowed.

He could have just browned the meat and let it lie loose, but that was the lazy thing to do. He could have purchased frozen meatballs at the grocery, but every time he considered that option, a movie started running through his mind.

_"No, Christopher, you made that one too large. Look at mine."_

_"But Grandma, this is taking way too long, and my arms hurt."_

_Rose looked at him with pursed lips. "Your arms don't hurt. Didn't you want to help me with dinner? Didn't you say spaghetti was your favorite?" When the little boy nodded, she continued. "Well, meatballs are part of spaghetti and they don't just come together on their own. If you make them too big, they won't cook right."_

_"Grandma, can't we just buy meatballs at the store?" he whined to her._

_The elderly woman glared at the boy with her hands on her hips. "Now see here, young man! I have been through a Great Depression, a year of the Dust Bowl, and a World War, and I never saw need, nor could I afford, to buy pre-made meatballs from the grocer. We won't be doing that now."_

_Her expression softened and she whispered with a smile. "Plus, these taste better." She paused. "And I think you've done your share, so wash your hands good - with soap! - and you can go play. I'll holler when you need to test the noodles."_

A much older Chris Lorenzo laughed quietly as the memory faded. He wasn't making spaghetti tonight, but rather basmati rice, over which he poured the meatballs and beef gravy. It was one of Jillian's favorites and was becoming a favorite of his as well.

His mind drifted from his girlfriend to his partner and he smiled again. Rita left the office just minutes before he did, and for the first time in a while, she appeared to genuinely be in a good mood. She walked out of Harry's office with what looked like a real smile, then passed his desk and brushed her hand across his shoulders. "I'm heading out a little early."

"Plans?"

"I didn't, but I do now. I'm heading over to Eric's apartment. He and I need to talk."

"Sounds serious."

"Actually, it might be good. See you tomorrow."

He watched her walk out, smiling to himself. The last few weeks had been hard for Rita, and though he would never say it out loud, he felt sorry for her. Eric had been a complete failure in his half of their relationship, but maybe his time sobering up had cleared his mind and things were better. He would never understand what she saw in Eric, but if the guy was good to her, and if she was happy...

He looked at the meatballs, now arranged on the sheet pan in tidy rows like little round soldiers arrayed for battle. If Jillian saw them, she would laugh, make some joke about his 'incessant OCD', and ask if he spent more time organizing the lines than making the mixture. He put them in the freezer to chill for a few minutes and started to set the table.

The phone rang and he thought momentarily to let the machine pick it up, but instead, he walked over and looked at the display. He quickly answered, glad for making the right decision.

"Hi, Jillian!...yeah, I just finished the meatballs but that's it...oh..." he nodded his head. "That's alright, I can put it up until tomorrow or something...yeah, no problem at all...ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow...yep, have a good night...bye."

He looked back toward the kitchen. Well, he was a bachelor for the evening. The meatballs could just stay in the freezer until tomorrow, but now he needed another dinner idea. When nothing came immediately to mind, he set about cleaning up his mess. As he washed up, he decided on Duffy's Sports Bar - it had been a while since he had eaten a good burger. He put the dishes away and was beginning to work on the counter when someone knocked on the door. His mental Rolodex started flipping until he heard the voice.

"Hey Chris, it's me."

Something wasn't right - there was no way Rita should be here. "Come on in!"

He continued working down the counter as she walked in and stood there, not saying anything. He looked at her, somewhat mystified. "Hey, I thought you were going to visit Eric."

She still didn't speak so he stopped and looked at her, watching her lips quiver and her face crumble into sobs. As she put her hand up and covered her eyes, he dropped the washcloth and all but ran to her, throwing his arms around his partner and holding her tightly. He rubbed her hair, trying to comfort her. "It's alright. Shhh...it's ok." He was going to have a little chat with Eric about whatever he had done this time.

Chris could feel her relaxing a little and she pushed away, but wouldn't look at him. He looked her over quickly - he had first-hand knowledge of Eric's short fuse - but there were no bruises or lumps to be seen. He was afraid of pushing her, so he simply asked, "You want to talk about it?"

She wiped her eyes and spoke, still sniffling. "He's gone, Chris. Eric is gone."

Chris responded before his mind had time to fully process her statement. "What you do mean 'gone'?

Her response was immediate and sharp. "He's completely gone. The apartment he just rented is empty. He didn't say anything...no phone call, nothing! It's like he vanished."

Chris' first thought was that Eric Russell was a bum, a bum who drank too much and was too easily prone to anger. Now, he was a complete jerk. But of course, that was not the thing to say in this moment. His second thought was to jump up and down for joy, to dance around the apartment like he did that Christmas morning when Grandma told him they were going to Disney World. But of course, not a good idea here, either.

"Really? Have you tried his phone?"

She started crying again. He knew he wasn't helping at all, but all he could do was try. Her voice was getting louder...a little too loud. "What good would that do, Chris? If he wanted me to know he was moving, he would have said. I know he won't answer...he probably cancelled the service."

Chris put his hands up, desperately trying to calm her down before Mrs. Wurthers - the lady next door who was always home - suspected a fight. "Rita, I'm right here, and my neighbor is a retired librarian. She can't help you."

It was as though time halted for a few brief moments. She looked down and he could tell she was smiling. Either he had diffused the bomb or that little smile was the preface to an explosion that was coming. Chris held his breath...

...and his partner began to laugh. Through her tears, she laughed. Chris was dumbfounded, having no idea what was so funny, but more than willing to go with it. She took his hands, pulled him close, and kissed his neck...twice. Thank God for lips! He was way more than willing to go with that, despite Jillian Dupree. "Oh, Chris...thanks. And I'm sorry." He could feel the wet spot where her tears had transferred to his skin.

"Don't worry about it. No harm done." He rubbed her back, his mind a whirl as he tried to think of the right thing to say. The signal his stomach sent to his brain in that moment saved him. "You, uh, want to walk to Duffy's with me for a burger and a beer? We can talk on the way."

"Well, I'm kind of barging in here." He saw her eyes make a quick scan of his place.

Chris smiled, wanting to tease her just a bit. "Yep. You are, but it's fine. Jillian was planning to come over this evening, but she's covering for a doctor that's sick. I think there's irony somewhere in there, but I'm all yours tonight!"

Her response was immediate, and she took a step back and pulled him toward the door. "Then yeah, let's go."

Chris said very little as they walked, talking only briefly about the recent arrest of Valarie Carlisle. Rita looked at Chris with a strange expression before saying, "You know, she reminds me of your old girlfriend Melissa from a long time ago."

Chris wrinkled his face. "Really? I don't see any resemblance at all."

They sat across from each other in Duffy's and Rita talked about what happened. She paused when the waitress brought their food, but continued when they were alone again, picking up with her sit-down in the Captain's office. "He told me Eric washed completely clean in the mess in New York."

Chris nodded but didn't say anything, and he watched his partner's face immediately become hard. "Did you already know that?" Her question hung in the middle of the table and he wanted to be defensive but couldn't. After hatching the secret little plot with Harry to check on Eric's background, he knew he had that coming.

He let the question go and shook his head. He was being honest this time. "No, but I really hoped that was the case. You know I had some issues with Eric," he smiled and rubbed the spot just above his left eye for effect, "but for your sake, I wanted things to go well with you two." Rita laughed at his gesture, and he quietly sighed in relief. She believed him.

She pressed on, alternating between bites of her food and recounting her story. Chris tried to listen as she described the drive to Eric's apartment, what she was going to say to him, and finding him gone with all his stuff, but his mind drifted. The guilt over his going behind her back was still hanging over him and he was afraid he had broken her trust. Her question a moment ago verified her doubts.

What if it was his fault that Eric left? What if Eric had said something like that to Rita? She would be so angry with him. What if Eric hadn't said anything, but Rita still thought Chris was partially responsible for this? Their friendship was strong, but was his meddling in her affairs enough to fracture, or break, the bond they shared? He was suddenly very nervous and the bedrock on which their relationship was anchored felt less stable.

Chris caught the change in Rita's voice. "Ok, what's up? This is my pity party and I feel like you're horning in."

He needed to try to make this right. He looked at her - seeing tears in her eyes - and wondered why he was so stupid sometimes. "Look, Sam. I never really apologized for going behind you and having the Captain call New York. But I am very sorry. That was my idea and if that was a factor in Eric leaving, I'd feel terrible. I feel partly responsible as it is."

Her response was immediate. "Christopher, I already told you that Eric understood. If he was just saying that, then he wasn't honest with me and that's on him. I understand it, too, though at the time I was," she paused for a moment, "perturbed about it. Well, more than a little perturbed. Had our roles been reversed, I don't know that I would have checked up on a girlfriend of yours, but honestly, I would have considered it. This isn't your fault, and it isn't Harry's, either."

"You sure?" Relief was surging through him as he asked.

"One hundred percent. Eric had partners in New York. He knows how it is between us. You don't owe me an apology, but I accept it anyway." She reached over and took hold of his hand. He loved it when she touched him, despite Jillian Dupree. "Better?" He dare not speak, so he simply nodded. She smiled and patted his hand. "Then eat your dinner. It's getting cold."

Chris enjoyed the quiet as they headed for his apartment. He hadn't said much through dinner; he thought that should be Rita's time to talk. She had covered a bunch of ground - a little more about Eric, the Carlisle case which led to what she knew about George's struggles with being single again, her waning responsibilities at Night Moves now that they were overstaffed, anything she wanted to talk about. He felt - well, he hoped - that a normal evening with meandering conversation would be good medicine for her.

She stopped him on the sidewalk. "Thanks for tonight, Chris. This was exactly what I needed."

"A burger and fries?" Chris teased in response. Truthfully, he was thrilled. She clearly felt better, and she had completely forgiven him for the New York thing. This night, for all its potential pitfalls, could not have gone better, and he wondered if it was alright to be thankful that Jillian had been called into work. Rita needed this time...he did, too.

She smiled. "Yeah. Actually?...yes, a burger and fries. And someone to listen. I was angry with Eric...still am, but I was also angry with me. I delayed the inevitable weeks longer than I should have. I think I wanted things to work out, so I ignored the signs warning me to get out. That's frustrating."

Her realization triggered memories of his own. "And now I bet you're relieved."

"Well...I don't know if that's the word..."

He interrupted. "You remember Annie from a few years back?"

"I remember all your girlfriends." She leaned into him a little when she said it. He loved it when she did that.

He laughed, "Yeah, probably. We weren't together very long, but that relationship should never have gone as far as it did. We were so different. I saw the signs that it wasn't going to work - we both did, I think - but when you're in it, it's a lot harder to act on that knowledge." His partner was listening intently, so he continued. "I was disappointed when she packed up, maybe a little sad, but inside?...really inside? I was relieved that Italy called. You know, you say you're angry with Eric and you should have acted sooner, so maybe his leaving kind of solves the problem for you. It's not exactly how you wanted it, but it's kind of what you wanted." He paused for a moment. "No more dealing with the drinking and the outbursts...seeing me with a bandaged forehead...stuff like that."

He stopped and Rita just stared at him...had he said too much? Then she dipped her head with a smile and hugged him, kissing his cheek...again. Three kisses in one evening, that had to be a record. "You're so good to me, Sam. Thank you."

For the first time since he had gotten involved with Jillian, Chris felt like he was hitting on all cylinders, and it seemed like she was recovering from Eric. "It's the least you deserve. Be patient, Rita. Love will find you. Real love. It might sneak up on you or it might hit you full on..."

And suddenly he was forced to bob and weave as Rita laughed and threw a pretend punch at him. "...just above the left eye!" she joked.

Yep, the recovery had begun. He knew well the struggle of breakups - and Eric leaving without a word would be harder than most - so this probably wasn't the end of the hard days for her, but it was a start. Their hands brushed as they started walking again and she took hold of his. As their fingers laced together, he smiled to himself; she was happy in this moment and she had been so gracious with him.

They turned the corner and walked the final half block to his apartment door. As they entered the glow of the last streetlight before his door, a voice broke the evening silence. Chris, normally very alert, was taken by surprise. He actually felt Rita twitch.

"Hello, you two. Out for an evening stroll?"

Chris recognized Jillian's voice even before he saw her and, in that instant, panic surged through him. It felt as though Jillian had caught the two of them in bed together. His mind's eye saw Rita grabbing at the bed sheets to cover her nakedness as she rolled over, leaving him completely exposed to the doctor's impending wrath. But in the next moment, he realized that the image flashing through his mind wasn't real; he had committed no sin, though Jillian might have questions. He told himself to stay calm. This was totally innocent and there was nothing to hide. He set his mind, forcing himself to act normally.

Jillian stepped into the light with a smile and Chris felt Rita separate a little. He spoke lightly, without a trace of guilt. "Hey, Jillian. This is a surprise." As the same time, he reached out and pulled her close, first hugging and then kissing her.

The doctor returned the embrace before pulling back. "Clearly it is," she said with a smile as she exhaled, glancing over towards Rita. "The early rush at the hospital petered out, and I was subbing for the second doctor, so I was first cut."

Chris relaxed just a little - Jillian was smiling...so far so good. "Rita and I grabbed a burger at Duffy's. She's had a rough day. Eric packed up and vanished today...not a word, just gone without a trace."

"I'm so sorry, Rita. That's awful!" Jillian looked at his partner with sympathy before focusing back on him and putting her arms around his neck. "I hope you're not planning to leave." She kissed him…a little more aggressively than she normally did in public, but it was pretty nice. Chris knew that she was cool with things, even though this might be a bit awkward for Rita.

Chris' mind ran through options, trying to keep the situation light. "Let's all go inside, and I'll put on some coffee." But before Jillian could even agree to it, Rita spoke up. "Thanks so much, but I should get going."

"Rita, you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I feel much better now. Thank you!" She pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek...kiss number four and definitely a record. Then she spoke to Jillian. "Thank you for letting me borrow Christopher for just a bit this evening."

After saying their goodbyes, Chris unlocked the door and Jillian walked into the apartment in front of him, turning on the lights. He came up from behind and put his arms around her waist, kissing the back of her neck. "This is a pleasant surprise. It's great that you got off early."

"How great is it, Chris?"

He was puzzled. "Well, it's 'great' great."

She pulled away and faced him. "It looked like you were having a pretty great time already, and I wasn't even here."

Chris felt his smile stiffen. "Jillian..."

"You two were holding hands in public, after dark..."

"Jillian, she and I have held hands before. We're best friends, and she had a terrible surprise a few hours ago. She took my hand just a minute before down the street. She thanked me for helping her work through her anger."

"I bet Rita wasn't done thanking you..." Jillian mumbled it quietly, but loud enough that he could hear it.

Chris tried to remain calm, not wanting to start a fight and ruin the evening.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Chris, how long did you wait after hanging up with me before calling Rita?"

Chris decided she was ruining the evening on her own - if she wanted a fight...

"Jillian, is that really what you think of me...and Rita? I don't need to defend myself here, but I didn't call her, and Rita didn't call me. She just drove over. She told me what happened, and I suggested Duffy's since I was headed there anyways. We walked there, ate, talked for a couple of hours, and walked back here. Same thing we've done a hundred times as partners...five hundred times."

"And what if I hadn't shown up? What would you be doing now?"

Chris was astounded at her insinuations. "What?"

"Yeah, Chris. Your girlfriend called to work for the night, a vulnerable partner all broken up by a break-up, and you there to bring her back to health. Pretty perfect, and any number of possible conclusions to the evening come to mind."

"And all of them wrong, Jillian...dead wrong!" He couldn't believe she was thinking like this. "I've explained my relationship with Rita to you - I've hidden nothing from you and I'm not hiding anything now. Nothing happened...and nothing would have happened. If you want to know, I probably would have invited her in for coffee, just like I did," Jillian rolled her eyes and looked away, but he continued. "Yeah, coffee, maybe she would have talked some more and then gone home. That's it, and that's the truth."

He hoped their evening wasn't over, so he smiled and softened his voice. "Look, she and I have been partners for a long time - we're used to being together - daytime, nighttime, anytime. Let's forget about all that. I got some more brochures from Hawaii...want to look at them with me?"

She looked at him for a moment, and he could tell she was weighing her options. Then she walked over and kissed his cheek without a smile. "Goodnight, Chris. I'm going home."

"Come on, Jillian..."

"I'll call you..." she said as she walked out the door without looking back. "Sure you will..." he spoke to the empty room. Chris shook his head...so typical. Typical of every girlfriend who ever dealt with Rita. The pathetic petty jealousy. Jillian didn't understand, just like Annie, Melissa...everyone. What was it about their partnership that created such a hang-up?

Didn't all close friends act the way he and Rita did? Didn't best friends spend time together? Didn't they talk? Didn't they help each other out of jams and pick each other up? Didn't they offer a shoulder to catch the tears? Why did his girlfriends always assume he was sleeping with her?...or trying to? He never once said 'no' to a girlfriend to say 'yes' to Rita, unless work was involved. He sighed.

Well, Jillian would be angry for a bit, but she would come around. He would send flowers - again - to her. He would apologize - again - to her. And she would forgive him - probably again. Chris sat down and thought about what to do. Just like Rita with Eric, there was no reason to call Jillian tonight - no way she would answer the phone. Better to just let her cool off. At least she kissed his cheek before she left...way better than being slapped. Then he realized, she had kissed his left cheek and Rita had kissed his right cheek - all four times tonight she had kissed his right cheek...kind of interesting.

He thought about Rita again and he hoped she was doing fine. For a long time, he thought about their evening at Duffy's and the walk home. It was good that she could count on him. It was great that she could forgive his occasional stupidity. He thought to give her a call. For the second time this evening, he had no prospects.

Then he decided to leave Rita alone as well. There was such a thing as hovering, and he didn't want to be accused of that. He would give her the rest of the evening and let her process things and work through Russell...Eric. His mind jumped the track. Was Rita alright? Did Eric show up at her place? Were they fighting again? He felt concern seep into his mind. No, she was a grown-up, more than capable of handling herself. But maybe she wanted to talk some more. He looked at the door again - nope, no way Jillian would be coming back.

He walked to the phone and dialed her number. When her recorded voice answered, he forced back his worry about Eric and waited for the beep. "Hey, Sam, it's me. I know it's getting late. Hope you're alright. Give me a call on my mobile if you're not already asleep. Otherwise, see you tomorrow..."

He stood for a moment, thinking, then grabbed his stuff and headed out. As he drove toward the beach, he wondered if this was a good idea. "You're hovering, Chris," he said to the windshield. "No," he answered after a pause to think, "you're making sure she's alright."

He was getting close to her place and she still hadn't called. Rather than just barge in or wake her up, he decided to stop at a gas station and wait for her callback. He worked through his plan, deciding he would give her thirty minutes before heading home. "And if she calls while I'm driving home and wants me to come over, I'll turn around again."

Ten minutes later, his phone started chirping. It was Rita and she said she had been walking the beach. That was a good sign - night walks were thinking time for her. It also meant Eric had not surprised her.

"Great! You still alright?" He could tell she was, but still he asked.

She responded with, "A little cry a few minutes back, but otherwise. Thanks so much again for this evening."

Suddenly, it didn't seem like such a good idea to drive over. Maybe he should ha..."What?" Rita's voice broke the extended silence on both sides of the line. Chris could not help but laugh at how quickly his mind drifted. He might as well level with her. "Jillian went home. She's uh, well, not very happy with me tonight. Hopefully our big vacation isn't about to get deep-sixed."

"Christopher, I'm sorry..." Rita was always genuine.

"Oh no, not your deal. She just had an issue with us...well, walking together on the street after dark. I told her we needed to talk. And frankly, you and I spend a lot of time on the streets together after dark, but uh, that didn't help my case. You know how she is sometimes. Anyways, now it's just me..."

"Well, I am sorry your night ended badly."

He decided to ask. "Rita, I know it's late, but would you like company for a little while?"

His partner answered with a question of her own. "Chris, what if Jillian comes back to your place?"

"She's not coming back tonight. I probably won't hear from her for a day or two. But don't worry, I'll smooth things over."

She paused for a moment and Chris heard her exhale. "Christopher, I would love company as long as it doesn't deepen the hole you're in."

"Great! See you in a bit."

He hung up, not bothering to tell her that seeing him 'in a bit' was about ninety seconds away. Eric Russell was out of Rita's life, and Chris could not have been happier about it. As he drove out of the parking lot, he said a quick prayer that the right man would find her. There was no doubt that man would be very fortunate.


End file.
